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The One Where I Break Her Heart – Again and Again

The Princess

Here’s the thing—I get that the choices I make have consequences. And, I fully understand all of the consequences resulting from my divorce. This decision was the best thing for me and the princess—we were not in a healthy or safe environment. But, it still had consequences.

Like the fact that since the princess was 6 months old, I’ve been a single mom. Mostly, this has been fine. We have a routine (well, a sort of routine, where we are chaotic most of the time). We know what to expect of each other. We have lots of fun together. And, we have a great network of friends and family to help with babysitting.

And, that is where the heartbreak begins. Part of being a single mom is being the single source of income; therefore it is necessary to work. I have a decent job—playing with money—and I have to work weird hours. Therefore, I am not able to be the room mom or the chaperon for field trips or the mystery reader on Friday. I can’t always make it to dance class, and I’m often late to pick her up. We don’t always have time for bedtime stories or easy Saturday mornings for special breakfasts.

What we have is a lot of disappointment when I say I can’t do any of those things. We spend a few hours every week going over why I have to work the hours that I do. And, the princess always understands at the end. And, I’ve been known to bribe my way out of the heartbreak with special treats. But, that doesn’t take away from my heartbreak.

I want to be able to be there for the things she deems important. It’s just not a reality for me. I’ve learned to make sure our weekends are special, and we do stuff together that will have a lasting impact. And, I long for the days that I get to be home in time to make a real dinner. Those days are just not as frequent as I like.

The reality is the economy is bad, and I need to be thankful I am employed—and even more thankful my job provides a good insurance package and some flexibility with my schedule. And, believe me—I understand I am lucky that with all of the recent layoffs and job eliminations, I am one of the lucky ones. I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

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Article by FairyTaleMom

My name is Mom. I live in Fairy Tale Land with a Pirate, a Fairy and the Princess. My job duties include: head cook, Chief Executive of Laundry Operations, Vacuum Maintenance Engineer, Chief of Picking up Random objects and Primary Sherpa. I spend a great deal of time carrying sparkly, sequined, glitter covered tutus and miscellaneous dance shoes for the Princess. I long for moments of quiet and a mani/pedi. Trying to strike a balance between being a grown up and being a good mom. FairyTaleMom tagged this post with: , Read 52 articles by

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